Childhood fairytales promise you it’s the gateway to happily ever after.  Every girl dreams about her wedding day, when a swirl of flowers, lace, candles and cameras will join to honor her beauty. 

Guys, once they get past the girls-are-yuk stage, think not about the wedding day, but about the wedding night.

For all of you, it’s a dream that never quite goes away.  But it certainly doesn’t last long as a fairytale.  Not these days.  You’ve seen too many real-life marriages.

I wish I could write this letter to each of you personally.  I wish I could address your unique experiences and hopes and questions and fears.  But I’ve found over the years that although the details are different for each young single Christian I’ve met, there’s a lot the same as well. 

I know you’re aware that our world is very messed up.  Some of you have come out of the secular community into the Christian community.  Some of you have “always” been a Christian, but still you know a whole lot about the places and people and activities that exist outside the church doors.  And it’s definitely tough to put together a set of workable standards based on what you hear and see on both sides of those doors.

The one thing I’m sure you’ve been told, over and over, is that Christians don’t have sex until they’re married.  What else we’re allowed to do when we’re single is far less clear.  Can we hold hands?  Can we kiss?  Can we date?  Are we only supposed to think about God and not the opposite sex?  And what’s all this about guarding our hearts?  Is it really WONDERFUL to be single?

What I want to offer you isn’t just one more set of answers to these questions.  And I’m certainly not going to tell you all the ways to find joy in your singlehood.  There are plenty of other folks who write about that. 

Instead, I’d like to paint two pictures.  One I will call “How It Should Be.”  The other one I’ll call “How It Is.”  While I might not get every detail right, I think it will be pretty close.  When I get done, I hope you will look at these two pictures and be able to choose which one you want to live in.  From what I can tell, there are many young single Christians who have no idea that life can be looked at in more than one way.