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Page 1 of 7 I am now engaged to a girl I've dated for quite a few months. But as
soon as I asked her to marry me, I began to have doubts. We come from
very different backgrounds, plus I don't know if my love for her is
strong enough to overcome my weaknesses (I've only been a Christian for
a few years). Do my doubts mean God is trying to tell me not to marry
her?
Thanks for writing! I'm really excited when I hear from DYSC's who are actually moving toward marriage. Your question gives me a chance now to spend some time talking about marriage itself, what it looks like, what makes it work.
But first, I'd like to remind you that we're in a war, and it sounds as though our Enemy isn't happy you've taken this step. Whenever our minds begin to fill up with doubts and fears (sometimes these seep in, other times they rush in like a flood), we can be pretty sure they come from him, not from God.
You see, the Spirit of God normally directs us not through our mind, but through our conscience...deep in our spirit. If God did in fact disapprove of your relationship, you would know it down in your belly, in that place the Bible calls your "inmost being" (Proverbs 20:27). You would sense that something in this girl is drawing you away from God.
What it sounds like instead is that your Enemy has handed you a damaging lie, wrapped up in a whole lot of truth. It's one of his favorite tactics! The truth part in what you've told me is that you are a young Christian who has a lot of growing to do, and the two of you will almost certainly trip over your baggage (and hers) during the first season of marriage.
And the lie? It's the idea that the success of your marriage depends on the strength of your love for her.
Let's review some of what we've learned. Marriage is God's idea, and it is His standard for human relationships. We are created male and female, and given sexual desire, because when everything goes as designed, families happen! We've also learned that we are instructed to marry a believer of the opposite sex, and that when we do this, we please God. Remember Proverbs 18:22? "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord."
In other words, marriage itself is part of our ongoing obedience to God. And because He ordained it, it is His responsibility to provide the resources for it to succeed. Scripture makes it very clear that He will require you to love your wife (Ephesians 5:25). But this kind of love is a matter of obeying a command, not something that rises out of the goodness of your heart, or even a response to the attractiveness of your wife.
You see, love for a man is a choice of the will, a decision to act as God has instructed him to act. The strength to do that comes from God Himself. By contrast, women are never commanded to love their husbands. Our assignment is submission. And that too is a decision, a step of faith, that God then gives us the ability to walk out.
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