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Husbands, please understand that for your wife, security is a very tangible thing. It has to do with money in the bank and locks on the doors. It also has to do with keeping promises, keeping up the home, and keeping your eyes off other women. When you criticize what she does, it doesn't so much crush her ego (as her criticisms do yours), but rather it makes her wonder if you might one day decide she's not worth staying with. Plus you should never forget that your care represents to her God's care. When you are inattentive or harsh, she may have a very hard time accepting and trusting God's love.
Most important, both of you must understand that the above assignments are going to be really really tough, because they go directly against the flow of our fallen human nature. What you have to remember is that God calls each of us to do our side, EVEN IF OUR SPOUSE NEVER DOES THEIRS!
Which brings us back to the idea that marriage is ultimately a matter of obedience to God, not an excursion in getting our needs met. It also doesn't rise or fall on our feelings of love. Romantic love is God's wonderful gift, a "bonus" for our willingness to submit to His call to marriage. But the real glue of marriage is grace, that abundant, miraculous supply from God that allows Him to create something supernatural out of two ordinary people who have chosen to give themselves to Him.
I have one final thing I'd like to talk about in the context of marriage. Has anyone else noticed how often men are made fun of these days? I watch almost no television, but the few times I do, I'm amazed at the way men look like idiots in commercials, while females are the smart, slick ones. When was the last time you saw a woman being put down, especially with smart, slick men standing by? Maybe it happens, but I sure have missed it.
You may not realize it, but the whole focus of the feminist movement is to elevate the status of women over men. I know they talk about a lot of other things, like equality, but it's not what they want. You see, our Enemy is still hell-bent on overpowering God, and he's the one who gives them their cues.
Which means, dear friend, that you and I must fight against the raging currents of our culture to set things right, at least in our own lives. And part of that "rightness" is the re-establishment of the higher status of men.
This can be a touchy subject, so let me make a few clarifications up front. First, I am not saying that men are more loved by God, or that their salvation is any different from a woman's. Galatians 3:28 clearly says that in Christ there is neither male nor female. We are equally God's children, equally heirs to the promise of the Spirit, equally the bride of Christ.
The second thing I'm not saying is that men are smarter or more virtuous or more deserving of their higher status. They aren't, and they don't.
What I am saying is that our Creator decided to arrange His creation in a hierarchical pattern, and in that arrangement He put men over women, and more specifically, husbands over wives. What do I mean by "over"? Well, among other things He made men responsible for how their wives turn out, not the other way around.
Goodness, you say. I've never heard that before. Where's that in the Bible??
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